A 2023 Wrap-Up

Hey friends,

I haven’t been writing on here as regularly as I would have liked lately. As you may have read in my recent blog post My Life with Long-haul..... Yesterday, I have been on the struggle bus lately. My mental health has definitely taken a big dip with everything going on with my illness, etc.

In the time since I have written that, I have been denied for Disability a second time, have found out my disability attorney is most likely getting ready to drop me, and have had a plethora of personal issues that have been weighing me down. As such, it has been hard to get around to writing.

I have been feeling like no matter what I do, no matter how hard I try, lately the answer to everything is “no.” I know in life, when this happens, that means I have to try a different path and figure out what to do to start receiving some “yes’s”. I know the universe isn’t going to take away anything that is meant for me. However, it doesn’t make it any less hard, frustrating, and exhausting.

My illness has become my full-time job. Multiple doctor’s appointments, tons of administrative tasks, constant pulling teeth to get insurance to cover things, constant paperwork and stress around trying to get disability, etc etc. It is ironic that the very illness that keeps me from working, is causing me to work full-time on it.

Every article pitch I send out to publishers is a “no”. Every medicine I try to get covered by insurance is a “no”, until I argue long enough that it becomes a yes. Every disability claim is a “no”. Every tactic I use to try to fix things in my personal life and move forward on certain private matters is a “no.” So, ok, that tells me I am not on the right path. So I try other things. I move on to the next idea. Still keep being met with “no’s”.

As such, from the best I can figure right now, the message this is all giving me is that it is time to take a break. I may not have a traditional job, but I have “worked” almost every day this year on something having anything to do with the above, plus so much more. I realized, I haven’t taken very many “vacation days.” I am not doing a good enough job at recognizing all of the above as “work”, even though I am not getting paid for any of it. Just because I am not capable of working 40 hours a week, doesn’t mean I haven’t busted my ass to the extent that my illness will let me.

Therefore, it is time for me to take a break. It is time for me to take some time off from all of this. I am taking a break from working on my book, pitching articles, writing my blog, busting my ass to try to earn a little money on the side with my workshop and guided meditations (still open to doing these, but going to stop advertising them for awhile), spending so much time making calls and sending emails about my disability and to doctors that I am begging for help, and basically just anything else that doesn’t seem to be working out right now. This is my sign that I need to take a break and chill out and stop stressing so much, and give the universe and my spirit guides a chance to step in and work on it for me. Mother Earth is resting right now, and I should take a cue from her and do the same.

As such, for the rest of December, and for a bit in January, I am taking a break from writing, and taking some much needed time off. I hope to approach all of this with a fresh perspective and some new insights, after I have given myself a chance to rest fully. I will probably do one more blog post for my paid subscribers during this time, as I want to show my gratitude for their paid subscriptions. However, my free writing is going on hiatus for a bit. Mama needs to figure out how to bring in some damn money under my circumstances, and I have a very limited amount of energy to use for any of it.

With all of that being said, I do actually want to end this year on a good note. I have served y’all up some hard shit this year. Especially with my long-haul series. I do intend to pick that back up where I left off either sometime in Jan. or Feb. So, stay tuned for that to continue.

So for my final article for 2023, I want to get into some gratitude. When things suck, and life is hard, and you feel like shit, and it seems like nothing is going your way - dipping into gratitude practices is a really helpful pick-me-up to try to get me back in the right frame of mind and back on track.

As such, I present a wrap-up of my year. All the things I did and things that happened that made my year better. While it was one of the most challenging and hardest years of my life, there were also things that happened that were absolutely some of the best and most rewarding moments of my life, and I want to reflect on them. And, I highly suggest a practice like this for all of you. It puts things into perspective, and reminds you not to dwell on the negative and pass over the positive. It helps re-circuit and re-frame your mind into one that works for you instead of against you.

Here goes:

1 - I Got Woo Woo as Hell! Ok, listen, this had been ramping up for awhile, but it went beyond this year. A whole new level. I started out the year doing a Chakra Week that I wrote all about here. Each day of the week I focused on a different chakra and wore the corresponding color. But, all jokes aside, I deepened my spiritual practices beyond what I ever thought possible. I leaned in so hard, and it was one of my top saving graces this year with everything hard I went through. From reiki, hypnosis, cacao ceremonies, sound healing, tarot, my huge astrology binder charting out my whole year, my altar filled with crystals, and spell jars - to daily meditation, water therapy, walks, grounding in Mother Earth, chanting mantras, aromatherapy, learning everything I could get my hands on about all of these practices, long talks with people at the crystal shop, reading so many books, meeting of minds with other people in the woo woo community, writing my book about it and a million other woo woo spiritual practices - man I dove in big time and it paid off big time. (Pictured below is my crown chakra outfit and crown chakra tarot spread, my altar at one point in the year - it has grown since then, and a frog that climbed up to my 2nd story window several nights this summer as a sign that I asked for.)

2 - I Started Receiving Pro Bono Therapy From My Old Favorite Therapist! I randomly texted my old therapist one day (my favorite one who helped me so much for so many years who stopped practicing in 2020). Well, I just happened to message her at the right time to find out she was going to start taking a very small amount of clients again, she had JUST decided this, and there was one pro bono spot open that I could have since I am unemployed/disabled and not receiving disability. We even have the same Monday night at 6pm spot we used to have back in the day. I had been secretly wishing for several months that I could see her again. Then one day I randomly texted her right at the very week she decided to go back into practice with a very limited clientele. What a beautiful moment of fate. I couldn’t be in better hands now. One of the things we are working on is healing my disorganized relationship attachment style, and helping me move towards having more healthy and secure relationship patterns. (Reading books like the below and talking with her are making a huge difference.)

3 - True friendship! I learned a lot this year about the people that are there for me. I created boundaries around leaking energy to people who aren’t good for me, and I worked to detach from and let go of resentment I had around people who I felt like didn’t hold up their end of the relationship. Instead, I leaned in to the friends in my life who are truly there for me and who truly love me. I also cleared room for new friends to come into my life who have been so beyond incredible and helpful. I feel so fulfilled by these friendships. (Some highlights are below. *1 & 2- Pictures of Amber and I on our Galentine’s Day date. Have spent a lot of time with Amber this year, getting closer than ever and leaning on each other for support. *3-7- Lots of Barbie festivities - seeing the movie with my besties and Godchildren and wearing fun Barbie fashion at the movies and at Rendleman’s Orchard. * 8 & 9- Doing 1 on 1, semi-monthly, dinners and girl time with my friends Sara and also Rose, both of whom have taken me under their wings and provided me a lot of support and someone to talk to during my difficult times. *10-14 - making a new bestie named Emily who has come through so hard for me this year and feels like a twin flame. She calls me any time I am having a hard time and we spend a lot of time with Amber having girl’s nights and being there for each other. Sometimes those girl’s nights include their lovely daughters who call me Auntie Krista and I love them dearly. And also sometimes those girl’s nights include Emily’s husband Aaron, who I adore and have some much fun joking around with. I am so lucky to have them. *15 & 16 - Amber has introduced me to some of her incredible friends, who I now get to call friends too and have enjoyed tailgating, brunching, and partying with them. Niki, Annmarie, and Rachel are now some of my dear buddies. Plus I always love seeing Amber’s family - Abi and Cheryl who are also in picture 16. They are like my family, too. *17 is me getting to attend one of my dearest and bestest friends in the whole world, Suzan’s, wedding. My only friend from Chicago who I still solidly communicate with and see on a regular basis. She has made such an incredible effort to be there for me from afar during all of my hardships and I was so grateful to be able to be there for her at her wedding. And last, but not least, so thankful to have spent a little extra time with my besties Brittany and Kristen when they visited with their mama from out west. We had a scary movie/pizza party for my birthday. While my illness may slow me down a lot, it will not stop me from investing in solid friendships and I definitely saw a huge return on investment this year.

4 - I finished the first draft of my book! I worked hard, and for the first time ever I finished a book. This was no easy feat amidst all of my illness symptoms and a shit ton of medical appointment this year, but I did it!! Now I am slowly but surely paying an editor to help edit it for me. (If you would like to donate to the endeavor, there is info at the bottom of this article to do so.) I have also been working on the book proposal, and researching how to sell it. It is still very much a work in progress, but I feel incredibly accomplished to have finished writing it. (Pictured is one of my coffee shop outings to write my book. Fun fact, I started crying pretty hard here while I was writing a harder part of a chapter. After this pic was taken, of course.)

5 - I celebrated my 40th birthday! All of the beautiful details can be found in this blog post. Long story short, the plan for a LONG time had been Vegas. But, when I was too sick and too poor to go, my besties pivoted, traveled to me, and threw me the best birthday party anyone could ever have. I have never felt more loved and special in my life, and I am eternally grateful to Amber, Kristen, Lindsay, Suzan, Emily, and Brittany. (In the pics you can see one of my favorite pics they took of me in my pretty birthday dress with one of the incredible birthday decorations they hung everywhere. And the other pic is all of us at brunch. They are all wearing a sweatshirt I designed for my business, showing their unending support for me. A huge thank you to Amber for buying and making them for everyone and surprising me with it.)

.6 - I started a “business”! I created a workshop called “Love and Accept the Sh*t Outta Yourself”. These one-on-one workshops utilize guided meditations, chakra mantras, tarot, and a personal astrology reading to help you love and accept yourself more. You can read all about it here! I sold a nice handful of these this year, and that helped me have a little bit of income during these tough times. It was especially nice because I can do this work very slowly and on my own energy time table. Finding a regular job that adheres to the confines of my illness is impossible. As such, doing this was a help. I am looking forward to hopefully growing this more and selling more in 2024! Another component of my business is an offering where I record customized bespoke guided meditation for you on whatever topic you would like! Here are more details about that! This also is something I can do under my circumstances. Additionally, I am very passionate about both of these things, so it is nice to earn money this way. I am thrilled that I have sold a handful of these meditations, as well, and I hope to sell more as time goes on! If you are interested in either or both, please do not hesitate to reach out to me - krista.m.atkinson@gmail.com. (Thankful for Emily Lake Photography taking my marketing pics for these business endeavors.)

7 - I am in a movie on Amazon Prime and Tubi!! In 2014, I played the comedic sidekick in a feature length, indie, romantic comedy. And in 2023 it came out on Amazon Prime and Tubi! Ummmmmmm!! How freaking exciting is that?! It was definitely a nice positivity boost this year. Lots of my friends watched and supported, and I really appreciated it. And, if you haven’t watched it yet, what in the world are you waiting for?!! I have an actual sex scene in it. Get on this STAT! Rent or buy on Amazon here. Watch free with ads on Tubi here. (Pictured is our ad, and the home screen on Amazon Prime for our movie which is a scene with yours truly!)

8 - I got my first ever (and so far only) article professionally published! And it was on Insider to boot! You can read it here! It is an article about not commenting on people’s weight, self-love and acceptance, and body positivity. I am immensely proud of myself for getting something published. I am trying not to be hard on myself that I pitched hundreds of other places this year and didn’t get anything else published. LOL. I am trying to focus on the fact that at least I got this one! Next year, there will be MORE! I will not give up!

9 - I got to properly say good-bye to Thomas. This one is weird to put on the list. The absolute saddest thing I dealt with this year was the loss of my sweet baby Thomas, my cat of 16 years. However, he went very peacefully. He spent the day laying next to my bed, and then when he was ready to go, he used every ounce of strength he had to jump up on my bed and come snuggle with me and pass in my arms. So, I am grateful that I got to spend his last moments with him in my arms, on his terms. The joy that this sweet boy brought to 16 years of my life cannot be understated. He was, and still is, my guardian angel, and I could not be more grateful for the time I had with him. (Below is the last pic I took of him snuggling with me, a couple days before he passed. And the other is his most iconic picture in existence from back in his heyday.)

Ok, this is starting to take forever!!! I am just going to try to go through these last few quicker.

11 - Spending more time with my brother and his wife - especially getting to go to lots of fun drive-in movies with them and spending time in the new house they just bought!

12 - A really fun Halloween, where I had 3 different costumes! Thelma and Louise with Amber. Basic Bitches with Emily and Amber (plus Emily let me borrow Aaron and her daughter to pretend they were my family LOL). And Weird Barbie with Cheryl and Abi! It was so much fun to spend Halloween with all these gals.

13 - Me and my mom taking a very relaxing trip to Eastern Kentucky to see nature and listen to live Bluegrass and chill out.

14 - My TV broke and I didn’t have the money to replace it and my incredible friend Anthea bought me a new one!

15 - I did an overhaul of the shitty medical providers I had, and started seeing some who actually care. Pictured below is something I built at occupational therapy with my very caring OT provider.

16 - Co-hosting a big fashion show in Carbondale with Amber!

17 - And my friends giving me a vase for my birthday that is FILLED with little notes from them saying the most loving and encouraging things to me. It’s meant for me to use on my really rough days. I can pull a note out and feel better. I am about halfway through it, and it has been a GODSEND!

Here are pics to correspond with 11-17!

Well, when I break it all down like that, it sounds like an amazing year! And, in a lot of ways it was. I could write another list that is probably twice as long with all the really hard and shitty things that happened. But, writing out all the good things helps me not to lose perspective on things to be grateful for and to see just how much I have grown and accomplished. From day to day, it doesn’t feel like much. But when you try a little every day and do the best you can, things really add up over the year. Which is quite evident now that I look at all of this.

At the end of this year, I am so grateful for all I have learned, let go of, invited in, ways I have grown, wellness practices I have made daily habits, my amazing friends and family that have supported me, career achievements, fun social opportunities, new friendships, medical advancements, and so much more!

I hope next year starts bringing in better news for disability benefits/money, a cure for my illness, more medical professionals who care and work to find answers, to start feeling better and have the stamina to work again and earn money, a lot of growth for my writing and business endeavors/new career achievements, continuation of my spiritual and wellness practices and learnings, breaking free from the people/patterns/things that do not serve me, and really leaning into letting the universe take care of me. I need to prioritize rest and not be so hard on myself. I need to let go and let it flow.

Thank you for reading my 2023 journey. Thank you for being a subscriber to this blog. You all mean the world to me. Please excuse my hiatus from writing for the next handful of weeks, as I take a break from all of the chaos.

If you have any questions about my business offerings that I wrote about, please email me at krista.m.atkinson@gmail.com. If you are interested in any of my offerings, being a paid subscriber to my blog, helping me get my book finished, or just helping lighten the load of everything I am dealing with right now, below is some pertinent info. Even if you don’t, just you reading, supporting, and even sharing my blog is a huge help. Thank you for being here. Happy Holidays to you all, and I hope you get lots of rest and peace. Love you!

*To donate to getting my book finished or just helping me through rough times:

Venmo - Krista-Atkinson-419

PayPal - KristaAtkinson775 (PP email is trueblonde419@yahoo.com)

Zelle - 618-924-0419

*To inquire about purchasing one of my workshops check out details here.

*To inquire about purchasing one of my meditation packages look here.

*To purchase a weekly or annual paid subscribtion to my blog (which includes additional articles that others can’t see) - click on this button:

*If you are interested in a paid subscription to my blog, but don’t want to go through Substack to do it, email me at krista.m.atkinson@gmail.com and you can pay me directly and I can set you up with a paid subscription.

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*Other ways to help support that are totally free - follow me on social media, share my social media posts, invite others to follow me, etc. Here are the different platforms I am on:

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Thank you all for indulging all of that shameless self-promotion that I despise doing, but is sometimes necessary. Have a wonderful holiday season! Catch ya in 2024! xo