Ted Danson, Please Acknowledge Receipt of My Tweets
I am in love with Ted Danson and I don’t care who knows it!
Mary Steenburgen, I love your husband, Ted Danson! I watch him on Cheers reruns. I watch him in The Good Place. And I watch him in Three Men movies. Both the first Three Men movie and the second. And, they should make a third! And I frequently let Ted Danson know this.
I started tweeting at him 2/26/18. I am averaging about once a month, which I think is a fair cross between persistence and stalking. So far, I have tweeted at him, his wife, Steve Guttenberg, the CBS TV show that Tom Selleck is on, and the actress that played Mary in the second movie. The only response of any kind that I have received is that Steve Guttenberg has liked one of the tweets once, and then responded to another one once. But then, a few months later, he had deleted the tweet. I don’t know why. But it’s ok, cause I had screenshotted it and have proof if you want to see it. And I tell ya what, that will fuel me for the next 10 years and 10,000 tweets if it has to.
It’s not just that I am in love with Ted Danson. I mostly love his characters in Cheers and the Three Men movies. I love that humor and that flirtatious bad boy with a good heart persona. The tumultuous relationship with him and Diane on Cheers gives me butterflies (which just shows my unhealthy relationship attachment style, but that is a story for another time). My Facebook profile picture has often been one of him and her, but my face is superimposed over hers. I may have a problem. But I don’t care.
I know a lot of people who would like a third Three Men movie. And by a lot, I mean about 10 or so. But, I think if 10 of my friends have confirmed they would be into it, then there are surely like 10 million people in the world who would be there for that. Apparently, there was supposedly going to be a remake of the the first one, and it was going to be starring Zac Efron. But that was a few years ago, and so far I haven’t seen anything more on that. Then, according to one of my friends who is a screenwriter, he researched it and found out they were in the works of making a third in about 2010. And even as of 2013 they were still saying this was in some sort of pre-production. Then, nothing more since then.
Apparently, their idea back then was that Mary would be getting married. This could have worked in 2010 because she would have been around 25ish a the time. But now, I believe she should be around 38ish. Not that someone can’t and doesn’t get married at that age, but I have a better idea. The marriage thing is weak and not really in keeping with what’s on trend. Wedding movies are old news and have been done a ton. Plus, it isn’t really in keeping with the premise of the first two movies, which is child rearing. So, I have a better idea.
As such, here are my ideas for a new Three Men movie. I have tweeted a synopsis to all of the above mentioned people, and I hope they take it under serious advisement, as I have a few friends who think it is a great idea, and if that isn’t a solid endorsement, I don’t know what is. Here goes….
Three Old Men and a Woman
Mary is about 38. She is very focused on career and is super successful. I see her being something like an attorney or running a PR firm, or even better, she followed in Peter’s footsteps and is a successful architect. She has been so focused on career, that she hasn’t made much time for relationships, and like most smart beautiful successful put-together women, she hasn’t met a man worthy of her time. However, she really wants a baby, and doesn’t want to wait much longer or have it be too late. She decides she isn’t going to wait for a man, she is going to take matters into her own hands. She decides to get a sperm donor. She tells Peter, Michael, and Jack this is what she wants to do. Of course they have some concerns and try to talk her out of it, but ultimately they support her and just want her to be happy. So, of course, they come around and say they will do anything they can to help.
This will ensue in a funny scene where they all sit down and go through the sperm donor binder and read the descriptions of the donors and have funny commentary on all of them and trying to help Mary choose one. I don’t have any specifics for the jokes, I will leave that to the people that write this screenplay. I am not going to do all of the work for them. I am just going to give them the framework for this, they need to flesh it out. That is what they are getting paid for. Eventually, a donor is chosen, and Mary gets inseminated.
Meanwhile, the guys have their own lives going on too. Peter is retired and widowed. Never had any other kids. Sylvia, Mary’s mom, died about 5-7 years ago. He is still hanging on to that and having trouble coping. He doesn’t want to get back out there. He is having trouble with not being able to bury himself in his work. He retired right before she passed away, and they were going to travel the world, and now he doesn’t know what to do with himself. He tries to involve himself in a lot of projects with his old firm, and sits on the board of directors and tries to avoid the loneliness and pain by busying himself with these projects.
In fact, if we do decide to make Mary an architect, I think it would be fun to have him get overly invested in her projects and drive her a bit crazy with his unsolicited “help”. Mary and all of the guys work on trying to help get him back out there and dating again. I think they should have him join an online dating site for people who are retired and/or widowed. He should go on a string of ridiculous dates in a hilarious montage where he finds something wrong with each one of them. Eventually, by the end of the movie, he does find love and happiness again and settles down with a great woman. I am thinking maybe he should reconnect with Rebecca. That awesome woman he was dating in the first movie. She is a high class broad and I think it would be fun for him to see her on the dating site and reconnect with her. So, that’s my vote.
Michael, has had a very happy and fulfilling life. In the first couple of movies he was the quintessential nice guy and that wasn’t always paying off for him. I want him to have been happily married for 15 years when this movie opens, to a really great and wonderful and attractive woman. They have a couple of kids. I want his cartoon to have gone viral and for him to be a worldwide sensation with it. He has become very famous and prominent. In this movie, his cartoon is being turned into a movie and he is working on that.
Maybe Jack is trying to get him to cast him as the voice of the famous cartoon cat in the movie, but Michael can’t get the producers to do it. They want to cast a big name like Seth Rogen or Jason Statham because that is how animated movies work now. Michael is having a hard time breaking this to Jack and Jack does not take it well when he does. I am not sure how much of a story arc Michael will get. He doesn’t ever have much more of one in the first 2 movies, and I am not sure if he will get more of one in this.
Jack, oh Jackie Boy. My sweet, beautiful, amazing Ted Danson. Jack is still an out-of-work actor. He could actually get quite a bit of work, if he would go out for the roles that are age appropriate. He gets a ton of calls for roles for old men, but he refuses to accept he is old now and refuses to take these roles. He is still up to his old ways. Still chasing women, but only chasing really young women and not any that are age appropriate for him. None of the young women want him, so he hasn’t had sex in a really long time, cause he refuses to give up on the young women. His moves haven’t changed since the 80s, so his pick up tactics are very outdated and corny.
He decides to get on Tinder, and he meets a very young and very hot woman that wants to have sex with him right off the bat. He is incredibly stoked. She comes over and it turns out she had a daddy complex and that is why she is having sex with him. She calls him “daddy”, talks him into doing all the crazy things in bed and she is absolutely nuts. It is a hilarious sex scene and he can’t keep up and she breaks his hip. His nurse is Mary Steenburgen. She is very sassy and tells him what a pig he is being and that he needs to grow up, date women his age, and accept age appropriate roles. They end up dating and getting married and he settles down. He accepts a role on a really good TV series as someone his own age.
The story will revolve around the three guys helping Mary raise this baby without a father and while she tries to work and care for the baby. They think they can do it because they did it before with her. But they have gotten rusty and the challenges of raising children these days have changed so much. Plus, Mary is one of those super picky ppl about how the baby will be raised. No bottles. Breast feeding only. So I envision the guys wearing fake boobs with breast milk in them to feed the baby. Only cloth diapers. They are beside themselves with laundry. So the guys are relearning, while at the same time teaching Mary it is ok to loosen the reins a little.
I am undecided on how I want this to end. I am inclined to say that I don’t want her to end up meeting a man, cause it is a cliche. But, I do want her to end up happy. I will leave that to the Hollywood writers. Frankly, I have already done so much of the work for you for free that it is kind of ridiculous. You guys can do one little thing on your own, ok?
I will be waiting for the call from Hollywood…..
