"Eat, Shop, F*ck" - My Trip to Italy - Part 1 - (Dad, don't read this one)

Who do I think I am? A Travel Blogger? Yeah, I do think I am a travel blogger.

Dec 11, 2022

In May/June, even while dealing with my long haul Covid, I took my dream trip. A trip I had been planning since I was 18. I went when I was 39. My trip plans were old enough to legally drink.

Every day of my 2 week vacation in Italy, I wrote a VERY long Facebook post about what I had done that day, and I shared A LOT of pictures. Some people seemed to enjoy it, and I started fancying myself a travel blogger.

Well, now that I have this BLOG, I am gonna COPY AND PASTE those daily posts here, and pretend I am a famous travel blogger. Who knows, maybe the most prominent travel writing company in the world will read this, and decide that I am THE BEST travel writer they have ever read. Then, they will say “We will pay you any amount of money to come write for us. We will pay for your travels around the world. Then you write about them for us".” I, of course, will be VERY excited, but I will play it super cool and casually uninterested. I will act like I am doing them a HUGE favor. I will say, “I suppose I could do that for you. I will need 1 million dollars a year, I want to bring my friends on the trips with me, and I want total control over everywhere I go.” They will say, “Of course, absolutely. We would do anything to have you work for us.” I will yawn and say, “Ok, fine. Let’s do it.”

Then, it’ll be over for you hoes. I will be off and about and writing about all of the absolute nonsense I get up to. I will make 30% of the people I know absolutely furious because I will continue refusing to visit dumb museums, historical landmarks, and touristy places that everyone goes to with long lines. (Spoiler alert, those places have already been written about like a kajillion times. Read those blogs). I will only go to cool local places that no one else writes about. That will make some of you so mad at me. The other 70% of the people will be cool people who understand that I can do what I want and I shouldn’t do the bullshit stuff everyone else does just to appease them when I absolutely hate it.

Anyways, I am getting off track on a very passive-aggressive tangent. This post will now continue with all of my travel stories from Italy. And I will be patiently awaiting whatever company wants to hire me to do this shit full time. My inbox is open.

This is a long one. Buckle up!

May 24 -

Tomorrow, I’m off to Italy for 2 weeks. Been trying to go for 21 years now, but every time I’ve gotten close, something happened and I couldn’t. I considered postponing again cause of my health (long haul Covid), but I’m just not going to put off this trip any longer. Plus, the tickets are non-refundable, and had a deadline. A big thank you to my dear friend who gifted me the tickets for this trip a long time ago. It was booked before my life turned upside down, but I’m just gonna go for it and hope for the best. Prepare for my daily FB travel diary everyone. Ciao!

May 26 -

Day 1- Rome

VERY slow and light day. My overnight flight was incredibly turbulent and rough. I got really dizzy and faint and sick on the flight. Couldn’t sleep at all. So did not arrive in great shape. Then my ride from airport to AirBnB made me more dizzy cause, as we all know, they drive like crazy people here.

Because of this I decided the best thing to do was get a lot of rest and sleep today, so I don’t push it and make the rest of the trip hard on myself. Hopefully, taking today easy will do just that. It’s ok. I’m not upset. I was expecting this. I think I’ll be better tomorrow after taking it easy today.

What I did do today was - I checked into my adorable and quaint AirBnB, as seen in pics. Then I went out and had a lovely and insanely delicious lunch - pizza, aperol spritz, and lemon gelato. It was all so freaking delicious. I saw a little of the neighborhood I’m staying in (Monti) and took a couple of pics of the flowers hanging above doors. There’s a lot of that and it’s beautiful.

Hoping, planning, and crossing my fingers to do a lot more tomorrow since I’m getting plenty of rest and sleep tonight! Please say some prayers or send out some good juju for me that I can have better days the rest of the trip. Thank you!!

Headed to bed now. Netflix has The Office here, so gonna fall asleep to the sounds of Michael Scott being amazing.

May 27 -

Day 2- Rome

I have A LOT to say about today. Not even sure I’ll remember it all.

Fell asleep at like 9pm last night and slept the night through very well. Glad I rested yesterday. Woke up at 5am. Went out and about at 7am. Felt good! Took breaks throughout the day. I managed myself pretty well.

Headed to Trastevere to eat breakfast at one of the places Stanley Tucci (or as I like to call him, “The Tooch”) went. It’s called Bar S. Calisto. Had one of the big pastries filled with cream like he did. I also had a cappuccino, even though I don’t drink coffee. Cause I figured, “when in Rome”. Only chance I’m ever gonna get to say that and truly mean it. I also had an aperol spritz. Who cares that it was 7:30am? I’m on vacation! Ok!

One thing I noticed is that every where you look, on all of the old beautiful buildings, is graffiti. The city is absolutely covered in it. I’ve never seen a city with this much graffiti. And none of it is even pretty. Makes me sad.

I continued walking Trastevere waiting for things to open. As I did this, I came upon a farmer’s market. It had the biggest fish I’ve ever seen in person, as you will see below. I decided that my American body will not make it far on a sugar only breakfast, so I bought some fresh fruit at the farmer’s market, and some prosciutto and fresh buffalo mozzarella at a butcher shop right by it. I sat on a bench on the street and ate these things. I liked it all except the buffalo mozzarella. It was too sour. Not for me.

Then I went to another bar and had another aperol spritz around 8:30am. I sat there and people watched til about 10. Then shops started opening and I went and looked around and explored and did a little window shopping. All in all this hood was ok. I got my mom some really nice Italian perfume, AND I found a neon green mumu for myself and bought it!!! (I’ll get a pic of that later on and post it later)

Then, I headed to Vatican City. Here I will break to talk about driving in Italy. You guys weren’t kidding. It’s INSANE!! If you’ve ever ridden with me you know I’m a very fast, aggressive, city savvy driver. But this was next level. Beyond what I can comprehend. One of the taxis I was in even got in a fender bender. It’s cray.

Ok. Vatican City. Ugh. Worst part of my day. If you know me at all you know I absolutely hate going to museums, art galleries, landmarks, monuments, and historical anything. And no matter how much people try to yell at me for that, I just hate it. I’m not sorry. We all like different things. I don’t like any of that, and I don’t like tourists and touristy stuff. When I travel, I wanna be like a local and do what they do.

Vatican City was ridiculously crowded. The lines were insane. The ppl were pushy and cutting in lines and pushing ppl out of the way and just generally having no thought about anything but themselves. I didn’t want a tour, or to see all the different parts, I just only wanted to see the Sistine Chapel ceiling. It’s the one thing like this that I’ve ever wanted to do. So I allowed myself to get hustled by a guy on the street into paying extra to skip the line. Which was actually very worth it. Then they informed me your knees must be covered in the chapel, so I had to buy a scarf to tie around my waist and cover my knees since I was wearing shorts. And then I entered a building in which I had to walk MILES AND MILES AND MILES, behind waaaayyyyy too many people, who kept stopping to look at all the art, cause the entire walk is just filled with art (which is cool. But I can’t stress enough how long it was) to finally get to Sistine Chapel. You’ll see a couple of pics and videos I took. Including a table full of sculptures that I have no idea what they are, but I thought they all looked like vaginas. A group of clitoratti, if you will.

Ok, I’m FINALLY at the Sistine Chapel. It’s packed like a can of sardines. You aren’t allowed to take pics of it. And it looks just like the pics you see in history books. Ppl were shoving and loud and it wasn’t calm or serene or spiritual. It was pretty. I’m glad I did it. But it really reinforced my thoughts about doing stuff like this. Please don’t get on my case about this.

If you like it, you do it. But no more of this nonsense for me.

I’ve been to enough of this stuff in my life to know for sure what I like to do on vacation!

Then, the walk OUT of this place was just as insane.

Now please don’t think I’m complaining and ungrateful about my trip. Definitely not the case. I’m just telling it like it is. The good, the bad, and the hot Italian men.

Now for another good part of my day. I re-upped my Bumble so I could meet some Italian boyfriends. The pickings are never ending. They are all stupid hot, and a whole lot of them want to meet a blonde from America! As such, I had a lunch date with a handsome Italian man named Daniele. He was very nice and we had a great time. And why stop there? I later had a evening date with another handsome Italian man named Giuseppe. (Hadn’t done a 2 date day since college, so it was a nice throwback).

Dinner was lovely!!! I went to La Carbonara in the neighborhood I’m staying in, Monti. I had a buffalo mozzarella crostini. I tried it again cause I thought maybe the first one just wasn’t good. But I didn’t like it here either. So I probably just don’t like it. Too sour. For dinner I had Carbonara. I saw it on The Tooch’s show and so I tried it. Pasta made with eggs, butter, and pork cheek. As some of you know, I’m not usually a fan of pasta (wait, this girl dislikes coffee, museums, and pasta? Is she insane? Why did she go to Italy? Yes. Sort of. Cause I wanted to.), but, again, I figured “when in Rome”. There I go again with my “when in Rome” business.

I very much enjoyed this pasta dish and glad I tried it. I washed it down with a delicious red wine. After that I met up with Giuseppe and we walked around and talked a little bit, and had some drinks. I took some pics of some really cool greenery that is growing on a building and across a line going across the street and hanging over the street.

All in all, I’m quite pleased with the day. I definitely remembered that I just gotta do my own thing.

Also, I was surprised that a fair amount of people I came in contact with today did not know English. I was told everyone in Rome would. But that wasn’t the case at several of the shops and bars I went to. I managed just fine though. It all worked out ok!

Now it’s almost midnight and time for bed! It’s very silly but I’m excited for a Netflix show that I absolutely love that isn’t available on US Netflix, but is everywhere else. I started watching it years ago in London and then Paris. But I haven’t been out of the country since then and there’s a few new seasons. So at night, I can catch up on it before bed. I’m a little embarrassed to say that I’ve been excited about this aspect since I booked the trip! It’s got Amy Poehler’s brother in it, it’s a Canadian show, and it’s called “You, Me, Her.” It’s about a throuple.

Well, if you read that far and didn’t unfriend me because you hate my travel preferences, tell me who you think is hotter. Daniele or Giuseppe? (special note - their pics are on my FB post, but I didn’t include them here ;) )

Ciao!

May 28 -

Day 3 - Rome then Florence

I fell asleep at 8pm. Then I woke up a couple of hours ago at 1am. So right now I’m on Day 4, but I’m doing my Day 3 post. Since I’m awake now. Hopefully will go back to sleep for a few more hours before morning.

The morning and afternoon I explored the neighborhood I was staying in while in Rome. It’s called Monti. It’s my favorite part of the city that I saw. Less graffiti. More flowers and greenery. Really beautiful. Seemed very trendy and hopping and alive. It was a nice mix of local and touristy. Very safe in the area I stayed. Lively. Good energy. Highly recommend. My Airbnb there was fantastic. Also recommend them. Msg me if you want a link.

I window shopped, people watched, walked around and explored, and had a nice salmon salad and some froofy cold coffee drink for lunch. It’s so hot and humid that I needed something light and refreshing, so I did a salad. I actually have not been able to finish any meal or eat nearly as much as I’d like because I’m so hot I have no appetite. Many local people have told me it’s unseasonably hot and sticky right now. I had researched this time frame and it wasn’t supposed to be this hot. Luckily, rain tonight is cooling off the next couple of days. Regardless, my albino Irish ass pressed on.

My Rome AirBnB was insanely close to Colosseum, so I walked by there and took a couple of pics. At the time I walked there Google maps said it was “as busy as it gets”. From what I could see the line was nothing like Vatican City. So, on a Saturday afternoon in peak season, when it’s as busy as it gets, it was less of a line than Sistine Chapel, for what it’s worth. I also took a close up pic of all the men working on the side of the building, cause I assumed they were hot construction men and decided I needed a picture of that.

I then checked out of my room and headed to the train station to go to Florence. I took a picture of my luggage cause I’m stupid proud of myself on how small my suitcase is and how smartly I packed for a 2 week trip. I’ve taken a full suitcase twice that size for 4 day weekends. So this was a feat for me. And I’m using black bag on top to add souvenirs as I get them.

Enjoyed views of the countryside on the train between Rome and Florence. Had a nice ride and was pleased with how fast and efficient it was.

I was forewarned that air conditioning is not as easy to come by here, and when it is available it isn’t run very high. So I was expecting it. However, since it’s unseasonably hot, I wasn’t expecting to be quite so hot on the train and at restaurants and such. So, between my symptoms and the sticky heat, it did wear me down quite a bit today. So I took my morning at an easy and leisurely pace, and when I arrived in Florence late afternoon I just grabbed some food and rested in bed and went to sleep early. I have two full days here after this, so I’ll make the most out of those by getting rest today after the train and heat, etc.

My room is super cute and it’s on an absolutely hopping and lively street with all kinds of fun stuff to do. The party is loudly happening out my window now at 3:30am. Lol. I really like the location. It was a 3 min walk from the train station. Very excited to explore the next two days. My host here is a super cute guy named Vincenzo. He is really sweet and easy on the eyes.

I’ve noticed that restaurants don’t open for dinner til around 7pm. As someone who steadfastly eats dinner at 5pm like a grandma, this has been an adjustment. Tonight, I just wanted to eat really quick and go to bed early. So I grabbed a to-go pita kebob thingy at a place just outside. While it’s not Italian food, it was ridiculously delicious, and just what I needed. Just grabbed it. Took it to my room. Ate. Fell asleep. There will be plenty of time for more Italian food the rest of the trip.

Lastly, there were some really cute and hilarious children loudly singing outside my window in the rain this evening. Took a couple of videos. It was cute and like something from a movie.

Ok kids. I’m gonna try to go back to sleep. Tomorrow I’m gonna sort through all my Bumble date prospects in Florence. I’m gonna explore and eat a ton in the cooler weather. And, you’ll notice I slipped in a pic (from my friend Debbie) about Herrinfesta Italiana (the local, small hometown festival happening back home right now). I’m just wondering how that is going? I can’t find any funnel cakes or mullets here. So please enjoy that on my behalf if you go.

If you read this far, tell me you’re favorite place you’ve ever vacationed.

Ciao!

P.S - Later that night - “The party out my window in Florence is nonstop. It’s 4:30am. I love it. Lol. I’m on a FaceTime call with my mom, brother and sister in law, and I just was looking out the window and a loud group of rowdy guys walked by and saw me. They started blowing kisses and yelling up at me. They asked me where I was from and I said Chicago. I blew them kisses back, talked to them for a minute, and then walked away from window so I could keep talking on the phone. They spent the next 5 mins yelling up to me and whistling and yelling “Chicago”. I had to turn out the lights so they’d walk away. God I love it here! Lol. Before you get after me about not inviting them up, there was like 5 of them. I am one woman. And it’s 4:30am. I just can’t.”

May 29 -

Day 4- Florence. I’m in love. With Florence.

In the 21 years I’ve been planning this trip, I always had a feeling Florence would be my favorite. It’s too soon to say if it will be, cause I still have a lot of other places to go. But this was much more my style than Rome. Rome had a chaotic frantic energy that put me on edge. And it was covered in ugly graffiti, sadly. Whereas Florence has an energy that I am vibing so hard with. It’s positive, chill, relaxing, friendly, yet there’s kind of a party vibe in the air. It feels like being at a big outdoor cookout with a bunch of perfectly tipsy people who are so happy to see you.

The city itself is absolutely gorgeous. Haven’t seen any vandalism and everything is kept up nicely and it just feels so creative and artsy. It’s easy to see why artists get inspired here. The city is very small, but bursting with an electric buzz that just feels awesome. It doesn’t hurt that the temp dropped like 15+ degrees today and the breeze was nonstop. Heavenly.

Food wise, I had some pizza. The ham on it tasted really gross to me. Otherwise the rest was good. I ate two pieces of it and then asked for a to go box. Every time I can’t finish an extremely large portion of food, and ask for a box, my waiter thinks I didn’t like the food cause I couldn’t eat it all. They say “was it not good?” I’m like, I can’t eat all of this in one sitting. Lol. I also saw they had calzones, and it made me think of Ben Wyatt. He’d be happy they had them.

Then I walked around and saw the Florence Duomo. It was stunning. Very pretty architecture and colors. I liked looking at it so much that I sat down at an outdoor bar and drank a limoncello spritz and proceeded to take pictures of it with the Duomo. It was delicious!! I talked to some people at a neighboring table and had a nice chat. Something I love about traveling is meeting locals and hearing their stories and experiences living in the place I’m visiting. I’ve always been fascinated by sociology and I feel I learn so much about a culture, especially the current culture, by talking to the people that live in it. Getting their firsthand experience really opens my eyes to how other people live. It’s one of the things I really love about traveling, especially outside the US.

GIIIIIRRRRLLLL then I found a shop that’s gonna give me wet dreams til the day I die. This place was my art museum. So, ok, I was on my way to a dessert shop my friend Mia recommended. Which I did go to and enjoy and is pictured. But, the best part of that, was the designer vintage store I found along the way. This was the kind of store I’ve only seen on TV and wasn’t sure even existed. It was huge and absolutely filled top to bottom with beautiful designer fashion. I went into overload and I am not ok. The few pics I took barely even cover it all! Check out the pic of the stunning Roberto Cavalli outfit. If I was 10 sizes smaller and 10x richer I would have bought the shit out of it. It was a work of art that the picture simply cannot capture. While I couldn’t get that, I am over the moon to announce that they had such good prices on a lot of things, that I was able to get an incredible deal on a vintage Gucci handbag and silk scarf. Thanks to the FB class action settlement I got right before I left, and the killer second hand prices, mama was able to treat herself, mmmmkay.

Then I got some yummy dessert and watched a pigeon go to town on some crumbs.

Then I came home and got ready for tonight’s date. His name was Francesco. He’s a Florence native, a musician, and getting ready to go to Burning Man in a couple of months. He was very nice. We had some drinks at the bar down the street called The Joshua Tree. Very fun vibe and a nice time.

Ok. I’m exhausted. This traveling with long haul is a bitch. So I’m going to bed early and getting some rest.

If you read this far, you’ll notice I included another bumble pic of a guy named Franco (*just on the FB post, dear readers). He wants to go out too. He’s very hot. But I’m very tired. Do you think I should suck it up and go out with him tomorrow night? Or should I take a night off from dating hot Italian men and just rest?

Ciao!