But long as there are stars above you

A Tribute to Brian Wilson

Paul McCartney once said of God Only Knows “it’s the greatest song ever written." He continued, "It's one of the few songs that reduces me to tears every time I hear it. It's really just a love song, but it's brilliantly done. It shows the genius of Brian."

I agree with Mr. McCartney. For my money, not only was it the greatest love song ever written, but it is in my top 3 favorite songs of all time. The other two being Everybody Wants to Rule the World by Tears for Fears, and Learning to Fly by Pink Floyd.

I don’t know if this is the case for other age groups, but in my age group I mostly encountered people who grew up with parents who listened to The Beatles, and not The Beach Boys. So throughout a lot of my life, most people my age that I met were very big fans of the former, and not so much the latter. I would typically hear that, for them, “The Beach Boys weren’t deep enough.”

This is not at all meant to be a Beatles vs. Beach Boys post. Because they are both incredible icons in our musical lexicon, and both had such beautiful talents and gifts that they shared with the world. Sometimes the nostalgia from music can be more important than the music itself. I know that when you grow up with certain musical artists being played in your house as a child, those bring up memories that send us a shot of endorphins whilst simultaneously taming the fuck out of our vagus nerves. For many of my peers, that music in their household was The Beatles, because our parents were from that generation and that is who they listened to. In my household, it was the Beach Boys.

At the time those bands came out, they were pitted against each other and became competitors. But I also know from the dozens of books, articles, movies, and documentaries that I have consumed that each band had an immense respect for one another. They also used the competition in a healthy way to inspire and fuel each other’s creativity. Brian Wilson didn’t shy away from the strong foothold of popularity that The Beatles gained over them—he used it to make his music that much better. Pet Sounds was a reflection of this.

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Brian was not a surfer. His brother Dennis was, but no one else in The Beach Boys surfed. In their early days, Murry Wilson was their manager. Murry was the father of Brian, Carl and Dennis—the three brothers in The Beach Boys. The other two members, who were in the band when they gained bigger fame, were Al Jardine and Mike Love. Mike was their cousin, and Al was a school friend (if I am recalling correctly—because I am writing this purely off the knowledge I remember having learned about them over the years, and I am not looking anything up to confirm—haha!).

Murry was a wannabe musician with a lot of anger issues and abusive tendencies. The story has been told over the years that the reason Brian was almost completely deaf in one ear is because of his father hitting him so hard. With Brian’s mental health issues and his inability to remember things (even before the dementia), he had sometimes stated that his deafness was for other reasons. However, more often than not, the story was that Murry did it. Regardless, it is common knowledge that their father was very abusive, angry and controlling.

As such, Murry called all the shots of their early career. Brian was the quiet, kind, shy musical genius. He wrote all the music and incredible harmonies, and typically Mike Love wrote a lot of the lyrics in the early days. Even though Brian wanted to write deeper and more meaningful songs, his father insisted on the surfing and car songs. And, the audience loved it. Those songs are what brought them to fame. The money was rolling in, so they did what they were told.

The marketing was pretty simple but effective—singles were released as double-sided vinyls with one song on each side. They did a surfing song on one side for their west coast fans, and a car song on the other side for their non-coastal fans. It worked like gangbusters. Dennis shared his surfing knowledge with Brian, and Brian would write a bunch of bangers for those 60’s kids to boogie to.

The little guy at the end of this pic was not Al Jardine. I believe he was a childhood friend who was in the very first line-up of The Beach Boys before they gained major fame.

Over time, Brian’s mental health, extreme shyness and introversion, and his fear of the stage and large audiences drove him into the studio exclusively. He spent a long period of time not touring with The Beach Boys, and they hired Bruce Johnston in his place (well first they hired Glen Campbell for a short stint, and then Bruce came in permanently). Bruce still tours with Mike Love under The Beach Boys umbrella to this day. More on that later.

At a certain point The BB’s fired their father because of how controlling and disruptive he was. The band, sans Brian but with Bruce, went out on a big world tour. And Brian went into the studio, fueled by inspiration from The Beatles latest album (as well as his admiration of Phil Spector’s music), and wrote and recorded one of the most amazing albums of all time—Pet Sounds.

He gathered up the absolute best session musicians in the business—The Wrecking Crew, brought in live animals, and used some bizarre “instruments”—juice jugs, bicycle bells, soda cans etc (ok, I did have to look that one up because I forgot what some of the specific ones were—in the movie Love and Mercy I seem to recall him using hair pins in the piano too. But my brain fog is on fleek, so I need to reconfirm that). And, without the other Beach Boys, he recorded the beautiful symphony of sound in that album.

When the other boys got back, they came in and recorded the vocals. It is said that Mike was pretty miffed at being left out of the process, but it would seem the brothers were very supportive. My understanding of those relationships is that there was usually a chip on Mike’s shoulder and most conflicts were with him, and that Brian’s younger brothers were always pretty supportive and easy-going. I think their relationship with each other was quite lovely.

Nonetheless, they recorded an album that is now revered as one of the greatest, but at the time did not do so well. While there were mixed reviews from critics and musicians in the industry, the fans weren’t really buying it or digging it at the time. It’s current status of being one of the greats was actually a slow burn where it became much more appreciated over time.

There were critics and other people in the industry at that time who thought it was weak. But there were others in the industry who immediately recognized it for the genius and beauty it was. Some of those industry peeps were The Beatles. And while Pet Sounds had been influenced by The Beatles’ previous album—Rubber Soul (which I had to look up—lol), Pet Sounds in turn inspired The Beatles next album—Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band (which I also had to look up. I remembered that they inspired them, but I didn’t remember which Beatles albums—because I wasn’t raised on them!)

Eventually Pet Sounds got its due, but at the time, it felt like they were losing their foothold, and in a way they kind of were. They still went on to record many albums after that, but none really had the same popularity as before. They continued to tour and put out new stuff, and still had fans, but the big heyday was behind them.

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I could write a whole book about their story and all of the stuff that happened before, after, and during that time. But, many books have already been written. And many films have already told this story, too. My favorite being Love and Mercy—if you haven’t seen this, I cannot recommend it enough. So, I don’t want to spend much more time here telling stories that show up in countless articles and other media forms. I want to tell my story.

While I have grown to become a fan of The Beatles in my later years, and I do not believe pitting the two against each other is necessary, the special place in my elder millennial heart is for The Beach Boys. That was what was on at my house growing up with my Boomer parents.

For the most part, my dad controlled the stereos in our house. Sometimes when my mom was cleaning or when my dad was elsewhere, she would be blasting her CDs (I don’t recall her having any vinyl prior to us getting a CD player). In fact, music was so important in my household that we were some of the first ones to have a CD player, back before they were commonplace. Mom would listen to a lot of Reba McEntire, Aaron Neville, Ann Murray, and Michael Bolton. While the two sandwiched in the middle of that last sentence aren’t my cup of tea, if you know me at all then you know how much I love some Reba and Bolton to this very day. That is thanks to my mom.

And thanks to my dad is The Beach Boys and Pink Floyd, primarily, as well as a few others here and there.

During my childhood, MTV was all music videos and they were appropriate for kids. It was a staple in my house. From my mom blaring Steve Perry’s Oh Sherrie every time it came on, picking up my 1-year old, diaper-clad ass, and dancing and singing with me around the room—that surely had it’s impact on my favorite songs to this day (Oh Sherrie is my 4th fave on my list of faves). To my dad recording his favorite music videos on VHS and me rewatching them well into my teenage years. Can you guess what two of those recorded MTV videos were? I’ll give you a hint, they are the other two songs in my top 3. Yup, Everybody Wants to Rule The World and Learning to Fly!

I am told that as a toddler I was obsessed with the man turning into a hawk and diving off the mountain in the Pink Floyd music video. And I still remember loving the two men doing the synchronized dance routine in front of the abandoned gas pumps in the Tears for Fears one. Even after all this time, those opening notes in Everybody Wants to Rule the World spark so much joy and calm in me that it’s the best kind of therapy. Sorry, just talking about it makes me need to rewatch it for the zillionth time. Hold on, be right back…

Ok, now that I got that daily dopamine hit, back to an article that is supposed to be about Brian Wilson but is rapidly going in the direction of all kinds of other music. But, I promise, this is going somewhere cohesive. I think…

The point I am trying to make is, music was a big deal in my household. Family home movies confirm this with footage of me and my brother dancing around to Another Brick in the Wall in our t-shirts and underwear at 6 and 2 yrs respectively. Pictures in photo albums of me using a toy vacuum cleaner as a guitar and standing on top of a large speaker singing and performing (very blurry phone picture of that actual picture below). Piles of cassette tapes and CDs that were ordered from Columbia and BMG when my dad would sign me up to help me fill out my music collection. Memories of The Beach Boys playing all year round. Especially at Christmas with their holiday album.

In fact, my dad often talks about being at the record store with me when I was a little girl—which was a weekly pastime for us (another way I started a noteworthy music collection as a kid)—and I said, “Look Daddy! The Beach Boys!” I knew how to recognize them, and that it was important to recognize them. And, in this case, I saved the day because while my dad had their Christmas album on vinyl, he had not been able to find it anywhere on CD.

This was way before the days of the internet, so finding this was like finding a needle in a haystack. Not only was he able to buy it and absolutely filled with pride for his little girl, but we then listened to it every Christmas season for years to come. To this day some of my favorite Christmas songs are not old standards, but the original songs they wrote on that album.

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Throughout my life we would watch movies made about The Beach Boys as well as documentaries. Dad would tell us all of the stories he knew about them, their life, and their legacy. He would also share his memories of his personal experiences with them. My favorite being the following:

In my dad’s teen years (I called him while writing this to verify, and I was told from 1964-1969 when he was ages 13-18), when he lived in Wilmette, IL (where he went to high school with Bill Murray), he would often take the train into Chicago to hang out with the hippies at North and Wells in Old Town (because believe it or not that yuppy hell hole used to be cool and full of alternatives), buy new records at the department store, go see concerts, and do whatever else fun stuff struck his fancy.

I asked him what his parents thought of this, and I was told that he would ask them first if they would drive him. When they said “no”, he would not be dissuaded from his plans so he would say “Ok, I am going by myself on the train then.” I asked if they had a problem with this and he said they probably worried but knew it wasn’t worth the argument. He was going to do it regardless and they didn’t want to deal with him being a pain in the ass and sullen about it—which he commented sounded a lot like me when I was a kid. And while I agree, he still would have had the argument with me and not let me go. Which is why I just resorted to doing what I wanted without telling him—anyways, so on his own he went.

In one of these excursions, 1969, he went to see The Beach Boys for the umpteenth time. This particular one was at The Aragon in Uptown. Pet Sounds was released in ‘66, and by ‘69 their popularity was less than desirable. Not many people were coming out for their shows anymore, but my dad still was—faithfully.

Since there wasn’t a big crowd at the show, after it was over, Dennis (the drummer and middle brother) came out from backstage and asked my dad where he could find the vending area (my dad swears it was just a soda because the Aragon was not allowed to sell alcohol.) My dad took him over to it, Dennis bought my dad a Coke too, and then invited him backstage.

Brian was not touring with them at this point, but the rest of the guys were there—Carl, Bruce, Al, and Mike… The way dad has always told it is that he went backstage and that Dennis, Carl and Bruce were so very kind and friendly with him. He said Al was nice but didn’t really talk to him much and wasn’t really friendly or unfriendly. And that Mike sat in a back room the whole time with a couple of women, and called out a snide remark about not letting fans back there—in reference to my dad.

In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida by Iron Butterfly had come out recently in 1968 and was 17 minutes long. Dad mentioned to Dennis that it would be cool if The Beach Boys started doing really long songs like that, too. Dennis didn’t really respond or say much, but in 1973 their album Holland came out with all of the songs kind of flowing together like one big long song. Dad doubts his comment had anything to do with this, but…you never know!

Also, years after this concert my dad realized that at the time he was backstage talking to Dennis in Chicago, Charles Manson and his crew had taken over Dennis’ house in California and were squatting/living there. I’m sure most of us have heard the story about Manson’s strange connection to Dennis, but if you haven’t it’s pretty crazy and I suggest Googling it. It’s wild that this was unfolding while Dennis was out on the road talking to my dad.

Meanwhile, Brian was dealing with his own demons. During this time he had fallen into an epic depression and would spend weeks and months at a time in bed. He began overeating so much that his first wife put padlocks on the fridge. I won’t go into commentary about how that was not the right/healthy way to handle that. Needless to say, Brian was nowhere near being out on tour with the guys during this time period. And the movie Love and Mercy does a really amazing job of telling this story.

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My household was not only filled with the music of The Beach Boys, but also of their stories. It was a home that valued Brian’s genius across the board.

My mom also loves their music, and loves the aforementioned movie, as well. She often requests that I pull out my DVD copy of it for her to watch. When asked for this article what her favorite Beach Boys song is, she took a moment, and then started singing Don’t Worry Baby. This had been one of my two guesses for her (the other being God Only Knows, which is my favorite). She loves the version on The Beach Boys: Nashville Sounds album/documentary in which Lorrie Morgan takes the lead vocals.

My brother is a fan through and through. As a musician himself, he has had many parts of his life touched and inspired by Wilson and his music. In fact, when I got a record player and started collecting vinyl right before my birthday in 2020, my brother sent me the Pet Sounds record for my present. I correctly guessed his favorite BB song is Caroline, No. But I was surprised to hear he also has an affinity for California Girls and it gets stuck in his head the most. However, I think I may know why…

Because that is my dad’s favorite. I didn’t even bother asking him his favorite. Even though I was correct for my mom and brother, I still wanted to double check. But for my dad, I don’t need to. I know this for sure—we’ve talked about it more than once.

My brother claims he didn’t know this was dad’s favorite, but I think that’s probably why it subconsciously gets stuck in his head. Kind of like Oh Sherrie by Steve Perry does for me, because of my mom singing it to me all the time when I was a baby.

In the late 80’s when The Beach Boys played at the DuQuoin State Fair, my dad took me to see them. In the late 90’s when they performed in Paducah, my dad loaded the whole family up in the car to go to the concert. In fact, he ran into Mike in the elevator of the hotel on this one. He said Mike was a little friendlier at this time. Dad asked him how Carl was doing—who was not touring because of his battle with cancer at that time.

But all this time, there was no Brian. Even when I went to California in Jan. 2017, having just read Brian Wilson’s autobiography i am Brian Wilson, where I drove all the way to his favorite restaurant that he mentioned in his book, sitting at the bar hoping I would see him—I didn’t. The elusive Brian was hard for me to catch. Would I ever get to see him in concert if not at this dimly-lit Mexican restaurant in Sherman Oaks? I’m not a creep—you’re a creep!

I have to commend Brian for knowing his limits and committing to his boundaries with concerts, though. He knew his health wasn’t capable of touring all those years. And even though he definitely adopted a lot of other unhealthy coping mechanisms, he stayed committed to the studio and his music. He was able to exorcise some of his demons through his musical genius in those sound-proof and safe walls of the recording studios.

Proof that I did, in fact, sit at the bar like a stalker at Casa Vega

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Eventually, after being rescued by his housekeeper and future second wife from the evil doctor who was making him sicker, he began to get much more healthy. For years Brian was under the “care” of Dr. Landy—who was taking terrible advantage of the situation in every possible way, and making Wilson so much sicker than he already was. Giving him medications that made him a zombie and stealing from him. Once he got out of this situation, Brian had a second shot at life.

Melinda Ledbetter came along and helped get him away from Landy, assisted in getting him healthier, and gave him a new lease on life. He had more children, connected with his kids from his first marriage, and moved into his higher potential as a father and husband. He was recording music again, and even getting out on stage for performances after all these years.

At a certain point The Beach Boys broke up and Mike and Bruce took it over. To this day still touring under the original name. Mike wears his Hawaiian shirts and does most of the early, upbeat songs. I most recently saw them at Herrinfesta Italiana in Herrin, IL a handful of years back. I’m not the biggest fan of Mike and how all of this went down, but they are still enjoyable shows. And, I have read Mike’s book and gotten his perspective, too. I just think he’s a jerk, and he’s not my fave. But, I have seen this version of The Beach Boys in concert several times.

However, in all of the years of my life, for as much as I had listened to them, as much as I knew about them, as many times as I had seen them perform, and as much as I loved them—I had never seen Brian perform. My dad took my brother to see him in Nashville when we were younger and he was touring again. I don’t recall exactly why I wasn’t invited to that. I think it might’ve had to do with the fact that I kept getting to go on little vacations with my mom and her friend, and my brother never got to go.

I also recall there being a period of time where my dad didn’t realize my fandom was as big as it was, and he and my brother had bonded and connected over music much more. I was a teen and was busy hanging out with friends, chasing boys, being surly, mostly listening to The Backstreet Boys instead of the Beach ones, and apparently not showing the proper amount of Brian Wilson love in the Atkinson household. Thusly, off to Nashville they went to see him without me!

I kept wishing and hoping for the day I would get a chance to see him live. Then, a handful of years ago when I was living in Chicago, he was going on a small tour and he would be hitting Aurora with it. I immediately bought my ticket and was beyond ecstatic to go. After a couple of months on that tour, his health just couldn’t take it. His mental health was suffering and he cancelled the rest of the tour so he could go home and get well. This happened right before the Aurora show, and thusly I didn’t get to see him. I truly respected and applauded his decision, though.

I also wondered if I would ever get the opportunity. He was in his late 70’s and I just wasn’t sure if he would ever tour again. Luckily, in 2022, when I was 39 years old, I finally got my chance. He went on what turned out to be his last tour—and I finally got to see him! In fact, I am pretty certain when I saw him in 2022, it was right around, or even on, his 80th birthday.

This time, I went with my mom. My brother and dad were not invited! Jkjk. I actually invited those poop heads even though they didn’t invite me to Nashville. But they were all, “no bro, we cool, we already saw him, we’re just gonna sit at home like the homebodies we are because we’ve been there done that.” Or something along those lines. So, me and my mama, who is the fun one in our family anyways, went to St. Louis and had our turn at seeing the sweet bb angel Brian Wilson. Don’t believe me? Here’s some pics, and probably the most adorable video in the entire world’s existence.

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Finally seeing Brian Wilson in concert, after all those years, was a dream come true. I’m so grateful I had the chance on his very last tour. The only other original member with him was Al. Carl passed in 1998 and Dennis in 1983. Mike and Bruce were parading their version of The Beach Boys around elsewhere. So the tour was under Brian’s name, and he had Al by his side, as well as several other touring musicians to help them out. Including Blondie Chaplin who had been involved with The Beach Boys for many years.

At this point he was pretty impacted by dementia, and he was old and frail. But when he came out on that stage and received a standing ovation, he looked around in so much awe and gratitude. It was like he had never received applause before. It seemed like the beauty of it was never lost on him and he never took it for granted. He was beside himself with being received that way.

As he sat at his piano he occasionally played a few notes, and he sometimes piped up vocally with a lyric or two. But, for the most part, everyone else on stage did the heavy lifting, and Brian sat there looking around in delighted, albeit confused, wonder.

However, when it came time for God Only Knows,—the favorite song of mine, Paul McCartney, and I’m sure many others—everyone on stage stepped back a little. Brian was given his cue, he placed his hands on those piano keys and played every single note, and he leaned into the mic and sang most of the words. It was the one and only song he did from beginning to end. And, if I’d had to choose just one song I wanted to hear and see him perform, it woulda been that one. So, my prayers were answered. In some ways, sweet is too simple of a word to describe his performance of that song. But, if you think of that word in its truest and most simplest and pure form, that’s the only word I can come up with to explain what it felt like when he performed it.

I could hear how much he missed his brother Carl, who originally sang it. I listened to his pride in having written one of the greatest love songs of all time. And I watched his sweet face show all the emotion that was behind it. It was beautiful, and I will always be insanely grateful to have finally gotten that one chance.

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Melinda, his wife and caretaker, died last year. Upon hearing that news, I knew he wouldn’t be around much longer. I know she was a big part of what propped him up for all these years.

On June 11, 2025 I received a text from my brother, an email from my dad, and a few texts from various friends all in quick succession about Brian’s passing. My brother, dad and I shared in our sorrow. And my friends knew how much he meant to me and took time out of their day to send kind words. Several hours later, my mom turned on the TV and heard the news and yelled up to my room at me that Brian Wilson had passed, as if I hadn’t heard that news several hours earlier. Now, she is requesting we watch Love and Mercy again tonight. So, everything played out as typically as it possibly could in this scenario.

Honestly, my very first feeling when I initially heard the news from my brother, was a sense of relief and peace. And my first thought was, “He is so happy to be with his wife and brothers.” I know from the various documentaries and books how terribly he missed Dennis and Carl. And I also know how much he loved and depended upon Melinda. And while I was sad, I was more grateful for the musical gifts he gave to us, the family memories I have because of him, and the joy of having God Only Knows in my life.

After the news of his passing, I took an impromptu trip to the nearby tiny village of Makanda, settled and inhabited by hippies from the 70’s. The boardwalk was hopping. The locals were sitting outside listening to a little live acoustic performance by a young girl and her guitar. The shops were bustling. And I sat in a rocking chair next to an old man and his dog. His dog immediately began wanting snuggles from me, and I did not let him down. And we all listened to the music. She played Surfin’ USA in honor of Wilson—it was the only song of theirs she knew.

Afterwards, I went back to the beautiful garden behind the boardwalk and I meditated and did some reiki. It felt like a nice way to carry on with the day that I received this news. On the drive home through the winding, hilly roads nestled in the Shawnee Forest, I listened to God Only Knows, and celebrated the incredible life of Brian Wilson.

I reflected on how thankful I am to have grown up with music being such an important part of my life—family dance parties and concert outings, stories passed down, songs sung loudly, a childhood with MTV music videos playing in the background, Columbia House memberships, record store trips, and being able to enjoy the nostalgia and sense of peace that the aforementioned songs and albums bring—even to this day.

Brian Wilson was a big part of that in my formative years. It wasn’t often my whole family could agree on music—but we were all always on the same page with The Beach Boys.

There have been some really bad days, when I was very stressed and upset, and I put my headphones on and listened to the Pet Sounds album. I tend to be more of a singles girly, and don’t listen to entire albums as much as my die-hard music friend counterparts do, but this is one of the few that from beginning to end brings me peace and joy—that are better medicine than the actual medicine I take. It brings me to a time in childhood that was safe and happy. It brings up all of the memories I have shared above, and many more that are too numerous to write. And just purely the actual music of it lowers my blood pressure and reminds me to breathe. Thank you for giving that to me Mr. Wilson. RIP.

"God Only Knows"

I may not always love you
But long as there are stars above you
You never need to doubt it
I'll make you so sure about it

God only knows what I'd be without you

If you should ever leave me
Well, life would still go on, believe me
The world could show nothing to me
So what good would living do me?

God only knows what I'd be without you

Ooh, ooh
Do, do, do, do, do, do, do
Bow, buh-bow, buh-bow, buh-bow (Do, do, do, do)
Buh-bow, buh-bow, buh-bow (Do, do, do, do, do, do)
Buh-bow, buh-bow, buh-bow, buh-bow (Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do)

God only knows what I'd be without you

If you should ever leave me
Well, life would still go on, believe me
The world could show nothing to me
So what good would living do me?

God only knows what I'd be without you

God only knows what I'd be without you
God only knows what I'd be without you
God only knows what I'd be without you (What I'd be)
God only knows what I'd be without you (God only knows)
God only knows what I'd be without you (What I'd be)
God only knows what I'd be without you (God only knows)
God only knows what I'd be without you (What I'd be)
God only knows what I'd be without you (God only knows)
God only knows what I'd be without you (What I'd be)
God only knows what I'd be without you (God only knows)
God only knows what I'd be without you (What I'd be)
God only knows what I'd be without you (God only knows)

Those unparalleled HARMONIES though!!!!! Chills every time. Brian’s harmonies were EVERYTHING! Also, for what its worth, I think Dennis was very hot and had I been alive at that time, and been in proximity to him, I would have made a lot of mistakes. Dad, if you are reading this, sorry. But you know it’s true. I would have.